Once a year in late July or early August, Neilbert's brothers—and selected among their sons—make the

My cousin Steve at The Parlour with an I.C. Light

trek en mass down to Pittsburgh from Salamanca to see a Pirate game and enjoy a weekend of male bonding. Luckily for Saundra, I have a two bedroom apartment.

While Saundra and I were happy to leave the Bert brothers to their own devices for bare-chested beer-guzzling and ESPN-watching at the house, we did not eschew Bert brother related activities altogether. They are, after all, our uncles, brothers-in-law, cousins and nephews and we like to visit with them—even if we do prefer to escape the testosterone-teeming house. The Bert brothers arrived predictably at Neilbert's and Saundra's house around 11 am.

Neilbert, eldest of the Bert Brothers, with an I.C. Light

Bert brothers and their progeny, you may recall from previous blogs, leave on trips as early in the morning as humanly possible, no matter where they're going or what time they need to be there. The roster of attendees for the Bert brothers weekend changes from year to year, varying largely in which of their sons come along, but on a few occasions a Bert brother bows out. Not the case this time; all three of Neilbert's brothers came for the weekend, along with my cousin Steve from Buffalo (son of Donbert) and my 13-year-old cousin Cole (son of Robert, brother of Smooth). It should also be noted at this point that the Bert brothers' weekend is never truly a "weekend." In effort to beat weekend traffic, take some time off work,

Jimbert, second eldest of the Bert brothers

enjoy the advantages of a weekday game instead of a Saturday game, as well as a host of other mysterious reasons, the Bert brothers always come on a Thursday morning and leave (just as early) on Saturday. They had Pirate tickets for Friday night, and so upon arriving Thursday morning, they faced an expanse of empty time spread out before them. Neilbert suggested going to a movie, and they went to a matinee of Transformers (better them than me); I suggested that they meet Saundra and I after the show for dinner at The Parlour.

You will recall that I've blogged about The Parlour before, but as it is one of my regular haunts, subsequent blogging seems appropriate.

Robert, youngest of the Bert Brothers

That, and it was the perfect solution for Bert brother fun. Like Neilbert before them, all three of the younger Bert brothers have developed a tendency toward tight-waddedness, and so The Parlour happy hour was right up their alley. If I may recall for you the details of Parlour happy hour—from 4:30 to 6:30 the Parlour offers $1.50 domestic bottles, 75 cents off drafts, $2.00 well-drinks, and free pool! The Parlour is also running a summer special of half-priced appetizers on Thursday nights. Upon arrival, the Bert brothers each ordered up an I.C. Light, which to the Salamancan Bert brothers is a rare and exotic microbrew available only through surreptitious import in one's trunk across state lines.

Steve with a round of I.C. Lights for the Bert brothers

The only exception was Neilbert, who will not stand for light beer or bottled beer where alternatives are available, and so got a Yuengling draft, before later caving to the appeal of the I.C. Light special. After receiving their beers, they secured a pool table and placed several orders for fries and wings. Saundra and I elected to have a more proper dinner and so found ourselves a table on the periphery of the Bert brother action. Saundra started off with a rum and diet, taking advantage of the $2 well-drink special. I inquired as to whether they had any other sort of diet mixer (essential for low-carb drinking) because I hate cola. I realize I may be the only American who feels this way, but I have never liked plain Coke or Pepsi.

Neilbert, Jimbert, Saundra and Donbert

Bars, however, do not tend of stock other diet mixers besides cola, and the Parlour is no exception, so I got a glass of red wine. The Parlour's red wine turned out to be $4.50 a glass (you may wish to consult my previous rant on the price of wine at bars for context), which is not bad but isn't great either. I wholly wish heart-and-soul that the Parlour would add a $3 wine special to their daily happy hour—a girl can dream, right? Saundra and I also took advantage of the half-priced appetizer special by splitting an order of breaded cauliflower (which, despite the breading, is low-carb. Don't ask me why. I rely on low-carb-maven Saundra to research these things). One of the Parlour's foremost talents is in creating breaded appetizers; the breading is always golden, crunchy and firm, it won't fall off as you're eating.

Cole, son of Robert, brother of Smooth When he comes to Pittsburgh to get drunk for his 21st birthday, I'll be 35.

For dinner we both selected one of the Parlour's meat salads—which is to say entrée salads with meat and fixin's. Saundra got a grilled chicken salad and I got the steak salad. I was a little nervous because I had never ordered a salad at the Parlour before. Would it be a sea of iceberg lettuce? Happily, the Parlour salads turned out to be generous beds of crisp, fresh field greens with no iceberg. Phew! My steak was tender and properly rare, just as ordered, and the blue cheese dressing made for an excellent complement. Just a head's up to low-carbers who may be eating at the Parlour¬—read the description of your salad before you order. Like many bars who follow the Pittsburgh tradition, the Parlour adds French fries to several of its salads, but they're glad to make the salad sans fries on request.

Neilbert and I, playing pool

After finishing our salads, Saundra and I joined the Bert brothers over by the pool tables. I took advantage of the free pool special and challenged Neilbert to a game on a separate table. I also took advantage of the opportunity to interview the Bert brothers on their experience with Parlour wings. I do not eat chicken wings because poultry that's still on the bone freaks me out. Though, I have been curious about the quality of the Parlour's wings for some time now. Many of my Pittsburgh friends have declared the Parlour's wings to be especially delicious, but the real test for any chicken wing is, of course, to ask a native Buffalonian.

Bert Brothers digging in to some Parlour wings

Salamanca NY—from whence the Bert brothers hail—is close enough to Buffalo to afford them upper echelon Buffalo wing expertise, and to head up the panel of judges was my cousin Steve as native Buffalonian. Would the Parlour wings stand up to true Buffalo wings? Would they pass the test of the discerning palates of Buffalo wing connoisseurs? As it turned out, all the Bert brothers, and Steve, were impressed with the Parlour's wings and declared them to be of comparable quality to Buffalo wings proper. In fact, the Bert brothers liked the wings so much that when they finished their orders they put in for some more.

Bert Brothers in my living room

The Bert brothers played pool awhile longer while waiting for their wings. I finished up my game with Neilbert, wherein he won pretty handily. Good thing, because if he were just as bad at pool as I am, the game would have gone on forever. He tried to make me sink the remaining balls (after he sunk the 8, that is) for practice, but I had flashbacks of his futile attempts to get me practiced and interested in softball as a kid, so I gave up my cue and returned the balls to Scott, the bar manager. We watched the Bert brothers finish up their game while I finished up my wine and Saundra finished up her Jameson's on the rocks.

Post-Bert Brother Martinis

I have no idea who won the last game, or even who was on which team. After the last game, the Bert brothers stopped up to my apartment for awhile, and were simply appalled that I had no I.C. Light in the fridge. As a result, the Bert brothers didn't stay for long, but rather set out to get some ice cream—an activity Saundra and I had to forego, of course, considering the high-carbness. Luckily there are options for low-carb ladies to have after dinner in lieu of sugary desserts—martinis anyone?

Check out more photos from the Bert Brothers' evening at The Parlour in my Facebook Photo Album.