Features Reviews Articles Editorials Poetry Fiction Submissions Guidelines How To Online Help Contact Community Discussion Writing Forums Workshops Register Log In About ARWZ Subscribe Suppport ARWZ Advertise Author Q&A; Bookstore For Authors & Publishers Register | Log in | FAQ | Search | Memberlist | Usergroups Profile | Log in to check your private messages | Blogs | ARWZ Forum Index     > Alternative Reality Caf�   View previous topic :: View next topic Author Message Violanthe Webmaster Joined: 24 Jul 2003 Posts: 5903 Queen of Darkness by Anne Bishop Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 3:35 pm How does this opener strike you? Dorothea SaDiablo, the High Priestess of the Territory called Hayll, slowly climbed the stairs to the large wooden platform. It was a bright morning in early autumn, and Draega, Hayll's capital, was far enough south that the days were still warm. The heavy black cloak that shrouded Dorothea's body made her sweat. Under the deep hood, her hair was damp and her neck itched. No matter. In a few minutes, she could shed the cloak. When she reached the platform, she saw the lumpy canvas that stretched across the front, closest to the waiting crowd, and automatically began taking shallow breaths through her mouth. Foolish. She'd used every spell she knew to keep what was beneath that canvas a secret until the proper time. Forcing herself to breathe naturally, she walked across the platform, stopping a few feet behind the canvas. If you've never read this book, or had no clue where the opener comes from, then how does it strike you? If you had only this opener to go on, would you read more? Does it grab you and spur you to read on? Or does it leave you unenthusiastic? If you read the book it came from, did you remember right away or did you have to look it up? What made it so memorable - or not so memorable? If you are interested to read on, then do a search on the opening line and tell us what it is. _________________ Violet "Violanthe" Kane [email protected] ARWZ.com: A Magazine of Alternative Reality Fiction Last edited by Violanthe on Wed Sep 05, 2007 5:31 pm; edited 1 time in total Back to top Chupacabra Hunter Member Joined: 21 Aug 2007 Posts: 61 Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 4:00 pm Huh. The writing is typically mediocre, but I'm kinda curious what's under the canvas. I fear I would be disappointed to find out though. Back to top Epitarc Regular Member Joined: 18 Sep 2006 Posts: 124 Location: Over there Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 4:53 pm The first sentence kills it for me, just a little too much "oh, look, I've inventet cool names".. But thats just me... Back to top Violanthe Webmaster Joined: 24 Jul 2003 Posts: 5903 Posted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 5:33 pm It's definitely unwieldy to have too many names, of any sort, right up front. _________________ Violet "Violanthe" Kane [email protected] ARWZ.com: A Magazine of Alternative Reality Fiction Back to top Display posts from previous: All Posts1 Day7 Days2 Weeks1 Month3 Months6 Months1 Year Oldest FirstNewest First      All times are GMT - 4 Hours Page 1 of 1   Jump to: Select a forum Discussion----------------Alternative Reality Caf�Writers' Zone Workshop----------------Workshop FAQ & RulesWorkshopSubmissionsWriting Exercises and Scene Starters ----------------The Marketplace Resources----------------FAQ & Online HelpLinks & Online ResourcesResearch Q&A;ARWZ Approved!  You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You can vote in polls in this forum Alternative Reality Web Zine: ISSN# 1559-3037 All materials on these pages (including fiction, poetry, essays, articles, interviews and opinion pieces) are copyrighted to the original authors and may not be reproduced without permission. View Page Stats   Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group